Time for Another Rewrite
I recently posted my screenplay Ice
Moon on a site called TriggerStreet.com.
Founded by actor Kevin Spacey, the site brings
together aspiring filmmakers and writers in a
collaborative, interactive environment where
members can exchange criticisms, rate each others'
work and offer advice. Though the top-rated short
films and scripts supposedly gain notice by Spacey
and others, the site is really about people helping
Since finishing the final rewrite of Ice
Moon last year, I haven't done any further
screenwriting. It's not that I've given up on it,
but since I haven't made any real progress in that
field (other than becoming better at it), I thought
it best to devote my creative energies to other
forms of writing for awhile. But TriggerStreet has
rekindled my enthusiasm. It's been exciting to
interact again with other writers, and gratifying
to receive largely positive feedback on my
screenplay (it's currently rated in the top 15
percent of approximately 1,500 scripts).
Just yesterday, however, a reviewer pointed out
the now-unsettling undertone of Ice Moon's
opening scene in light of last Saturday's tragedy.
Read the following excerpt and you'll know what I
mean. It chillingly illustrates the fact that most
scripts can always use another rewrite.
COLUMBIA - UPPER ATMOSPHERE
ship GLOWS RED as it plunges from
MARS SURFACE - DAY
leaves a smoky trail across the dusky sky. As
the ship nears the surface, its trajectory
COLUMBIA, COCKPIT - CONT.
AND FURY. Ellis fights the bucking ship. The
breach SPITS SMOKE AND FLAME.
MARS SURFACE - DAY
spacecraft SLAMS into the rusty Martian sand,
leaving a billowing cloud as it skids for over a
COLUMBIA, COCKPIT - DAY
holds on for dear life as the ship shakes loose
metal like the innards of a cheap watch.
the viewport, the dust briefly clears -- just
long enough for Ellis to see an ENORMOUS BOULDER
directly in his path -- HE SCREAMS --
Development note: I've
noticed that this site doesn't look like it should
in Netscape Navigator. Rather than waste time
jury-rigging it to look right in a
soon-to-be-obsolete browser, I'll just add the
cliché "This site best viewed with Internet
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